(no subject)

[owlectomy]

The NYT has a new article on gender and fine dining that made me ponder something that happened a few months ago.

I didn't say anything about this when it happened, because, well - I went to a very nice French restaurant, oh poor me! But I'd just gotten the book deal, I wanted to take my sister and her boyfriend out someplace very nice, and of course it was the boyfriend who got the wine list and the check. He corrected the server and said that I was the host of the evening, which was kind of him and all to his credit, but he still got the check.

It's a really small thing. But there's still this idea that in formal settings you have to observe the old-fashioned protocols of how men and women are treated - and I would just rather pretend those protocols didn't exist at all.

Etiquette works on the premise that 'what adheres to the rules' and 'what makes other people most comfortable' are the same thing because everyone knows what the rules are and everyone knows what to expect when the rules are being followed. It's like driving on the right side of the road; there's not any particular moral superiority to doing it one way or the other way, but everyone had better agree about what you're going to do. And that works... until you have the kind of dramatic cultural shift we've had over the last fifty years, and people can't agree any more about which side of the street to drive on.

Comments

[dianamcqueen.livejournal.com]

I would have said that there's still a lot of people out there that when dating, the guy takes the woman out on the date...now, I've dated two very different guys, one was cool with traded off or splitting everything and the other made a huge fuss when I wanted to pay anytime.

But seriously, if you already told the waitstaff, that's lame.

I try to make my voice heard when I'm paying. I talk directly to the waiter and ask all the questions so if they only talk to my dinner mate then they're an ass and I can tell :P

But yeah. I like the waiters who put the check in the middle on the table. And don't shove it at any one person.

[wintersweet.livejournal.com]

I haven't been to any super fancy restaurants in a while, but at nice-ish places I do prefer it when the waiter pulls out the check and briefly hesitates, allowing someone to indicate that s/he is the one who should get the check. Much more sensible.

I do recall one occasion where the waiter was really irked that C. wouldn't order for me (I had to go to the restroom as soon as we got a table). Haha, stupid waiter. C. was unflappable.

[lordameth.livejournal.com]

I never would have even thought about this - who do we serve first at the table? - but now that it's been explained to me...

This is precisely the kind of thing that makes me nervous about working at this super fancy sushi place. Who is the kind of person who's familiar with these rules? the kind of person who cares about these rules? the kind of person who really expects to receive these kinds of services? Who are these people?

I can already picture the fallout after I fail to pour the wine correctly, or place the spoon on the wrong side of the patron. Or anything like this. It's hard enough just getting the orders right, bringing the food out on time, before it gets cold or warm or whatever... I can already imagine what's going to happen when it comes down to either (a) being sufficiently polite and giving sufficient service (refilling glasses, taking the time to explain out everything on the plate) to one table or (b) serving all my tables in an efficient manner. That is, getting all the food out on time, getting everyone's order taken on time, while sacrificing service, versus giving proper service to one or two tables at the cost of giving terrible, slow, service to all the other tables.

... Sorry I ranted/rambled there a bit. But, yeah, I'm frankly surprised that half these etiquette rules even exist. I never would have even given it conscious thought.