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owlectomyTwo things:
1)As long as I can remember, I've reacted to big projects by either being anxious or apathetic. If I can't bring myself to care, the work doesn't get done, or gets done badly; if I care too much, I get it done, though this isn't exactly an optimal solution. Time spent worrying is not time spent working, and if I'm going to spend time not working, it would be smarter to spend it on something I can enjoy. I think, because it's been true in the past that I get work done when I'm anxious, I have actually trained myself to be anxious; and at some level I believe that if I'm not anxious enough I don't care enough, and won't get anything done.
2) At some level I have assimilated the American Idol model for teachers' evaluations of my academic performance: everyone is either lying and being nice, or telling the truth and being vicious. But if we can all agree that a woman who gives grades like -2 (not to me) and claims that it's impossible for her to be racist because she's mixed-race is kind of wacky, then it's probably silly for me to assume that she's the only one who was honest to me about my inability to write a research paper. And much of that is probably a holdover from my middle-school superiority complex, where I figured "Okay, I can write a better essay than the rest of the idiots in this class. Big deal."
The very last month of one's formal schooling probably is a little late to be figuring such things out.
1)As long as I can remember, I've reacted to big projects by either being anxious or apathetic. If I can't bring myself to care, the work doesn't get done, or gets done badly; if I care too much, I get it done, though this isn't exactly an optimal solution. Time spent worrying is not time spent working, and if I'm going to spend time not working, it would be smarter to spend it on something I can enjoy. I think, because it's been true in the past that I get work done when I'm anxious, I have actually trained myself to be anxious; and at some level I believe that if I'm not anxious enough I don't care enough, and won't get anything done.
2) At some level I have assimilated the American Idol model for teachers' evaluations of my academic performance: everyone is either lying and being nice, or telling the truth and being vicious. But if we can all agree that a woman who gives grades like -2 (not to me) and claims that it's impossible for her to be racist because she's mixed-race is kind of wacky, then it's probably silly for me to assume that she's the only one who was honest to me about my inability to write a research paper. And much of that is probably a holdover from my middle-school superiority complex, where I figured "Okay, I can write a better essay than the rest of the idiots in this class. Big deal."
The very last month of one's formal schooling probably is a little late to be figuring such things out.