(no subject)

[owlectomy]

I am in a much better mental space than I was last year (which is sensible, because last year SUCKED.)

In the last year, I used to spend a fair amount of time thinking about how the world did not and could not work. Like how our economy runs on producing and consuming things that no sensible person could need or want. Or the impossibility of living a happy life and a moral life. Or the fundamental incompatibility of men and women.

And the odd thing about this, is that I did not feel sad about this, precisely, because it just felt like the way the world was. Disappointed, yes, but resigned. And I was convinced that I was thinking about these things in an objective and unemotional way--which is why it was worse, in a way, than the times I have been the most intensely miserable. I'm used to telling myself, "Whee, brain chemistry, this is fun. I am probably not going to think sensibly about things right now. What's on TV?" I am used to sadness that is intense and unreasoning. It's very insidious when it seems to be perfectly sensible and fact-based.

Even now I am not altogether sure whether I am wrong about the sorry state of the world. But I have noticed that certain very eccentric people evolve elaborate all-encompassing theories that conveniently explain all their own personal miseries, and I think it's probably better for me not to do that.

I like my brain, but it outsmarts me sometimes.

Comments

[nonamecity.livejournal.com]

I am beginging to trust the world to make it through on it's own.
It's hard, and I know every second you just wanna jump in and BE the tent pole, but you gotta hold up and keep your end nice, and trust the rest to be okay. And the Brain Chemestry thing: How many sad days did I dismiss because "Oh hey, I wonder which chemical this is? This one tates like STRABERRIES." and then tried to go on without admitting I needed to consciously feel better first.

and yeah,I play video games to shut my brain up XD