How not to make fettuccine alfredo

[owlectomy]

1. Check clock. It is 9:00 and you have not yet eaten supper.

2. Fill your saucepan with water, add some salt, put it on the burner.

3. When water boils, add fettuccine. It does not fit in the pot because you don't actually have a pot larger than 3 quarts. Wait for the ends of the fettuccine to soften in the boiling water, then use a fork to squish down the tops of the fettuccine. Ponder whether to buy a new pasta pot, or to cook smaller pasta shapes from now on.

4. When all of your pasta is boiling, check your cookbook for a recipe for alfredo sauce. Begin to melt some butter in a pan.

5. Ask yourself, "Eggs? Am I really supposed to add eggs? Won't they scramble?"

6. Add eggs and cream to the pan anyway.

7. Whisk! Whisk like the wind!

8. Retrieve colander from under the sink. Check pasta for doneness (it's not done yet).

9. Check sauce. It has indeed begun to scramble. Turn off the heat and whisk madly.

10. As sauce becomes sauce again, ask yourself, "How will I know if the eggs are cooked adequately, or are they going to give me salmonella?"

11. Check pasta for doneness. Drain. Toss with sauce.

12. Eat with salt, black pepper, and deliciousness. The failure mode of fettuccine alfredo is still better than it deserves to be.

Comments

[maevele]

egg? in alfredo?

[owlectomy]

It's what Mark Bittman says. However, Cook's Illustrated disagrees, so in the future I'll have to go with the version that won't scramble or give me salmonella.

[takumashii.livejournal.com]

I had the heat very, very low, but my stove isn't very good at heat control -- they didn't scramble quickly, but you could see them starting to form curds. Ah-ha, now I see where I went wrong: the recipe says that you combine 2 eggs, 1/2 cup heavy cream, and 1 cup grated Parmesan in a warmed bowl and beat. You don't do it over the stove at all! ...Which seems even dodgier from a food safety perspective? I could try it in a double boiler next time to keep it away from direct heat, or maybe just skip the eggs altogether.

What I have learned since then is that people in other countries aren't as afraid of raw eggs because American eggs are not as sanitary compared with eggs from elsewhere in the world! My friend from New Zealand was actually surprised to discover that Americans refrigerate their eggs, but salmonella is much more common in the US due to the conditions of battery farms.

[rachelpage.livejournal.com]

Crazy creamy and too rich for words!