Something I should think about

[owlectomy]

When the writing is going well, everything else is a minor roadbump.

When the writing is going badly, everything else is terrible.

When the writing is not going, it's a lot easier to find the time to clean up after myself, and watch mediocre television, and wander aimlessly around the West Village, and buy some books and read others. But it always feels like I'm just marking time until the next thing.

Considering that my attitude to writing over these last few years has definitely veered into "I wish I knew how to quit you!" territory... I don't know how to think about that.

I guess it has to be a matter of learning to roll with the punches better, and learning to set better boundaries with how much of my emotional health is tied up with writing stuff, because... there's some part of me that is so not willing to give this up, even when it hurts.

Comments

[laughingrat]

That's pretty tough. When you think about yourself, do you think "I am a writer"? Is it intrinsic to your identity?

[owlectomy]

Identity is kind of complicated for me in that I feel like there's very little of myself that has any kind of stable identity. But if I think about how I feel "more like myself" or "less like myself" depending on what I am wearing (with clothing/makeup/perfume) -- writing is a thing that makes me feel more like myself.

And there's the rub: it is in some ways easier to put my self in a corner with a sweater thrown over it than to deal with the intense vulnerability that comes from trying to convince myself or other people that who I am is worth anybody's time.