(no subject)

K**** county has yet to call me back. I mean, I understand that it's hard to accomodate someone for an interview far, far in the future, but I need my plane tickets, if I'm going. And maybe they don't want me at all. And maybe they're scared of voice mail like I am, and I haven't been home hardly at all this week.

Nor has Suffolk called me back. I guess by now they've found somebody.

I have been utterly lazy on the job apps for a couple weeks now (it's hard to remember to bring my resume paper to school, and my printer at home is dead), and there are half a dozen I have to do now. Is there anything so dispiriting as putting in job applications?

I'm working on the principle that nobody's going to fly me anywhere, so I'm refocusing more locally: R**, New Hampshire, but also two cities in NC, and some places in Virginia and SC, and a part-time permanent and part-time summer position that are local enough so that I wouldn't actually have to support myself. I'm happy to relocate almost anywhere, even for a typical librarian salary of $32-40K, but at half of that I'd be living in penury, so I'm not applying for part-time jobs elsewhere...

By the way

It is in my nature to be anxious.

It is natural for me to be especially anxious when I have a master's paper due in 12 days now, and am graduating in six weeks, and have yet to get enjobbened. (Oh, I heard back from Omaha, and I was 18th out of 41 applicants! Not even close.)

It's almost at the point where I accept my anxiety with a blank detached calm, if you know what I mean.

So when I get reassurances, it's not that I don't appreciate y'all*, or believe y'all, it's just that I can't figure out much else to do besides flailing my arms around, all the while knowing at some level that things are going to be all right.

And if I am flailing around in public, it is probably because I do know that things will be all right. I flail privately when I'm genuinely fearful.

*Someone can remove me from the south now, k plz thnx.