owlectomy: A squashed panda sewing a squashed panda (Default)
[personal profile] owlectomy
When you feel anxious about doing a thing, it lies to you. It says "You can put this off until you don't feel so anxious about it." But if you put it off, the day doesn't come when you don't feel so anxious about it. If anything, repeating this over and over - the anxiety, and the "I don't have to do this right NOW" - creates more anxiety. It conditions you to feel anxious when you think about doing the thing.

But if you say to yourself, "No matter how awful I feel about this, I have to do the thing," that also doesn't work.

It does, a little bit. It does for things that are over pretty quickly once you get over the initial hurdle of anxiety. For me, at least, it doesn't work for creative work or work that requires a substantial level of focus, because trying to force yourself to write for an hour or two while your heart is actually pounding with anxiety is genuinely bad. I can make it work for a little while, but before long, it starts to fall apart. I start to feel as if I'm not allowed to take care of my anxious self.

There is only one way out of this.

First of all, I need to take enough days off that I get back that sense that my time is my own, that I have freedom and breathing room and I am allowed to do what I want.

But more importantly, I need to get in touch with what I love in this book. Every single day, I need to get back in touch with it. Because love actually is stronger than fear. And even if I don't feel less afraid, I feel more sure that what I'm doing is worth doing. I feel more sure that the part of me that wants to finish this book is a better and truer part of me than the part of me that doesn't.

And I won't say that it's easy, but it gives me enough light to see by.
Anonymous( )Anonymous This account has disabled anonymous posting.
OpenID( )OpenID You can comment on this post while signed in with an account from many other sites, once you have confirmed your email address. Sign in using OpenID.
Account name:
If you don't have an account you can create one now.
HTML doesn't work in the subject.


Notice: This account is set to log the IP addresses of everyone who comments.
Links will be displayed as unclickable URLs to help prevent spam.


owlectomy: A squashed panda sewing a squashed panda (Default)

October 2017

123 4567
Page generated 19/10/17 23:25


All opinions are my own and do not reflect those of my employer

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags