More thinking on the whole "going back to school" thing

[owlectomy]

1) I know that I wouldn't be giving this so much headspace if it weren't for the week I've had at work, and my anxiety over my upcoming performance review. In short: I think there is quite a good chance that I'll get the "this isn't working out" speech. It's not that I'm bad at my job, but... one, I'm just not extroverted enough to be "on" all the time (this is an understatement); two, there's no way that I can be both a YA librarian and the computer police; three, a library even as small as this one needs a children's librarian who is not a total newbie. And I'm sure they could've gotten someone more qualified if they hadn't originally posted this position as a part-time one. So I will try to be patient and wait until this blows over before I decide anything more definite.

2) I think I may have decided against getting a Ph.D. in the short and medium term after reminding myself just how lousy job prospects are in the humanities. I will try to confirm this--but I've been thinking for a while that a Ph.D. is something I'd rather do when I'm 35 or so. One reason is that I'd rather study premodern Japan than modern, and I'd need the time to develop some l33t language skills.

3) I've looked into UBC and ... I am so, so tempted. It's really cheap, it's in Canada, and it's one of the best premodern Japan departments in the world. That's like the trifecta. And I may have an in on some cheap housing if I'm willing to put up with an endless commute. Which I am, if there's public transportation. If I could get my MA and get into academic librarianship...that'd be a lot of the stuff I like about public librarianship, but with less computer policing and less public contact. (I am not such an introvert that public contact is a bad thing, but seven hours a day feels like a lot). I do kind of love helping little old ladies with their photocopies and their computers and I love storytime and I love it when children are enthusiastic about books and reading, and...I mean, I know I'd be giving up a lot.

But I often get the feeling that I'm not doing myself or anyone else any favors by staying in this job.
For now I'm going to give it a little time and hope it blows over.

Comments

[firebreatherjen.livejournal.com]

I was checking other SILSers LJs, and recognized your (awesome) icon from Library_mofo. I think we have several things in common, besides our choice in grad schools, and would like to add you as a friend. Would that be okay?

[flemmings.livejournal.com]

I dunno. Classic Japanese in BC vs computer police in VA. How can that one be hard to decide? ^_^

[lordameth.livejournal.com]

I'm curious who you think you'd study with if you went to UBC, or I suppose more generally what specifically attracts you to the program?

I've skimmed through the list of professors, and recognized a few names as people I could likely enjoy working with, but other than hearing vague things from my profs here about how good a program it is, I don't really know that much about it.

[takumashii.livejournal.com]

Well-- I haven't reached the stage of looking into the specific professors and what they've published (and wouldn't you know it, the local library sent all the Monumenta Nipponica to the book-binders this week), which I know I need to do. But the fact that it's a large department with a real focus on premodern Japan is attractive to me because when I was at McGill, they only offered classical Japanese in alternate years, and canceled it the year they did put it on the schedule. I like that they offer a terminal MA (which Berkeley doesn't); and the various east-coast private universities are expensive, and I'm not sure I look like a promising enough student on paper to get any funding (I minored in East Asian Studies. Well, I know another guy who minored in Japanese, and he can barely read hiragana).

Hmm. I should probably send an e-mail to my East Asian Studies prof at McGill and see if he knows anything useful.

[takumashii.livejournal.com]

Absolutely!

[takumashii.livejournal.com]

That is a much more positive spin on it than "Okay, I'm going to take out a bunch of student loans so that I can get into... a field where very few openings are posted, and the salary is what I'm making now?"

--But that is why I don't like living in an area that is so anxious about money and status, and that is why I need to get out. It ends up rubbing off on you.

I just realized, even if I got started on my applications right now, it would be over a year before I'd start school. So maybe it isn't to soon to be thinking about this.