(no subject)

Last week my novel was terrible. This week, I think, it might not be quite so bad--now that I've gotten past the beginning, and perhaps made it differently terrible.

I can look at it and say that yeah, this is the novel I was trying to write. Now, if it's not the kind of thing that would interest anyone else, that will be okay and not terribly surprising. It might be that I just needed to write it to exorcise my high school experience -- which I am too old to still need to do, but actually, I think it did me good.

On one hand, I'm hurt and anxious at the thought that I put as much emotional intensity into this book as I did and it's still not necessarily a good book, or one that anybody's going to like. And on the other hand... what I got from the writing is better and more important than a little book deal.