(no subject)

I have always had trouble explaining to people why I don't yet have American citizenship and am in no hurry whatsoever to get it. Oh, I have it in the back of my mind as a possible eventuality, but that's it. I'm happy with the situation as it is except that I don't have the legal right to vote anywhere.

But it's hard to explain without coming off as, "I'll sleep with your country, but I don't want to marry it." Which is perhaps not unfair. In my mind it's more like, "Your country has several terrible habits, and I still haven't decided if I can live with them." Sure, every country does; but the point is, I have the choice.

I feel rather vindicated.

(no subject)

I took a day or two to just be anxious, but I'm restrategizing and feeling quite optimistic. In that I can see a job ad for a public library director paying "up to" $15.00 per hour and not feel horribly depressed. (On the other hand, I am qualified to be a public library director, at least at that library, which makes me perversely pleased.)

Massachusetts and New Jersey and Connecticut have many places where there are yuppies with small children. Anywhere there are yuppies with small children, a librarian who can do a decent storytime can be optimistic. And a lot of these positions pay better than what I'm making now, in places where rental prices are lower...

There is a post here about classism and librarianship, and it's something I've seen with teachers too; as soon as you get some experience and have some clout, you try to get moved up to higher-income schools and libraries, because it's easier, and it's less depressing, and you may have more resources to do what you want to do. That's not a good thing. I have been tempted in that direction just by feeling that libraries in lower-income areas deserve librarians who are more skilled and experienced than I am. But ultimately, that's based in a fantasy of the inspirational librarian who sows sweetness and light and a love of reading wherever she goes, which IS a fantasy. Just because you don't get the egoboost doesn't mean you're not doing good work. My intuition remains that libraries are most important for the children who are not getting the Baby Einstein stuff at home, and the job seekers who are trying to type up and e-mail resumes who don't have a computer at home and don't know how to use the backspace key. Even when it's hard, hard work.

There is a part of job-seeking (keeping in mind that I'm not actually certain of anything yet, nor will be until July) that's fun. Trying on new possibilities, new ideas about what I could do. The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame is looking for an archivist. I'm not qualified for that, of course, but it's fun to imagine the possibility.

Saturday was so beautiful. My throat felt fine (fingers crossed!) and I walked in a big loop around downtown, and had ice cream, and felt cheerful. I do have to remind myself sometimes that, on balance, things are likely to turn out all right.