Irresolutions

So I have two Projects that are coming to an end: my novel which I've been revising, and the JLPT. And I am thinking about the things that I want to start on next.

(1) I would like to do a century on my bike. If not a century then a half-century. I even sort of tentatively have an event and date picked out, if I can persuade myself to get some leg-warmers and train in the winter.

(2) I would like to workshop my writing, in person, something I have not done since I was in high school and even more touchy about criticism than I am now. (Huh. Why not Wiscon, if I'm working on The Taisho Thing, if I can manage to go this year? I can probably find something local if I look, but not necessarily a good audience for something about an Onmyouji and labor politics and industrialization in 1920s Tokyo.)

(3) I would like to knock a few off the works of Literary Classics that I haven't read yet. Because, for a smart girl with a liberal arts degree, I am shockingly poorly read.

(4) I would like to make my first priority taking care of myself rather than accomplishing projects, and just make enough time so that I can cook, and keep my apartment clean, and relax.

Yeah, I'd say that between these and trying to find a new job, I'll have my whole year taken care of...

Observation

I've known for a long time that when I'm anxious, I get very formal. There is a reason behind this; when I'm anxious, it seems like the one thing I can control is being able to say (a) exactly what I mean, with no room for misinterpretation (b) in a way that doesn't make anyone mad at me. Even when I swear, I do so very, very, deliberately, unless I have locked myself out of my apartment with no money in the middle of a snowstorm.

What I didn't know until just now is that you can tell the parts of my writing where I'm really nervous because the voice suddenly goes all latinate. I can tell where I'm trying to distance myself from the writing.